gypsys and such, something lost.

it's true. emotions and confusions have overtaken such a large part of who i am. it's now like a game, one im playing with myself. constantly i am beat and discriminated against. ill put words upon the lips of others in order to finalize the thouhgts i submit to my own self awareness. lost in a sea of myself and looking at a shore that is unreal, an illusion. the feeling of your wooden planks beneath me was the only happy thought i had. now i have determined that your presence is not my boat, for the love we've built may be more of an unrealistic landscape than the shore itself. instead of restlessly paddling in a direction i don't want to go, i will just float. im not sinking nor am i in a rush to get anywhere. the sun is high and my mind is young.


if your heart isn't completely engaged in the ideas you run with, you must let go.


i think i want myself to believe that life is easy and i have things figured out. but when i sit here and see the life of my teens years shorten, i notice my heart start to beat faster and jump a little bit. i am so unforgiving when it comes to the daily stress i add into my schedule, yet i continue to let myself miss out and get hurt.
im not sure how i can let go, because this stress has almost become a dependency for me. a feeling i am too familiar with. a drug, that gives my mind fancy illusions to get lost in.

id like to be somewhere else, and that is why im here. im at a place in time, life, and love that has lead me to realize a new "here". im ready to blast off, let go, move on, and in some strange sense...hold on.



stability is something you provide for yourself. in this life, finding myself has been a struggle. to believe, one must find strength. i can't keep looking for that in others for i slowly find myself becoming much more weak. today has been a gift, one with struggle and resentment, but also breath and energy.

im ready to move forward, and hold on. to find enlightenment i must find myself.
ill start by finding a midnight snack (one that suits my soul of course).

nothing more to say.

i feel very confident in typing tonight, because i know your "loving" eyes will never embrace this text. they wont desire to be here, for other views are much more lovely.
you have made yourself into a new gentleman, something i do admire.
but such a drastic change is one i don't care to rely on, or trust. i've been here a million times. this time does feel a bit different but i refuse to take that feeling and fly with it. my hearts too fragile to take flight these days.


oh yes, the sweet taste of revenge has washed out the bitterness you recently left me with. kinda sucks being where i was, doesn't it? this is my mean side coming out. and for once, i feel perfectly okay being slightly evil. you left me cleaning up too many messes over the past eight months and im refusing to be Cinderella.
it's funny how you manipulated so much of me without slipping up. you were consistent, practiced, and close to a perfectionist.

unfortunately, royalty doesn't always leave you sitting in the king's throne. if you don't appreciate all of the rubies on your queens crown, someone else will soon gaze upon the sparkling beauty.


you know i love you. because without a doubt, my heart is yours. but i sure do hope you're willing to play the long drawn out game you have so secretively played with me. i won't be nearly as mean as you, but i will make sure the odds are ALWAYS in my favor.

i've got a nice ass, white teeth, and a personality that blows your plan b bimbos out of the water. respect me, because otherwise ill leave you with an unfortunate reality.
and your friends lies might just become the truth.