sour patch.

I am really, genuinely having a shitty time moving on. I wake up, try and go about the day, and will eventually find myself asking millions of questions in my head. what did i do wrong? when did we start losing sight of things?

im waking up early tomorrow, grabbing a donut and some orange juice, and saying goodbye to someone new. i don't know where it's going, this "new" thing, but i do know that i am not in the swing of things when it comes to relationships. when it was you and me, things were easy due to comfort. we knew the right things to say, and what channel to turn it to, and how the other liked their eggs cooked. I could tell you where you kept your outgrown clothes, the type of tooth paste you used, and which type of snuggle you prefferred at any given time. And now i am here (a very unfamiliar place), walking into something new. hoping to god my new victim even likes donuts.
who the fuck am i kidding? everyone likes donuts..
I guess it's not about moving on from you, but more of finding myself without you. we grew up together through the moxt vital moments of being young adults. we shaped each other, shared good and bad moments, and fell in love. that's enough to slowly rip the life out of you before you've turned to walk away. but puppy love isn't something you can hold onto. Certainly not something you can build a life off of. the memories are good, and now my head is foggy. Im longing for our old, familiar life that has become a piece of my history. but im here now, and as this next chapter begins to unfold, im falling in love with it as well.
i got a tattoo exaclty one week ago. i love it. it makes me feel unique, young, and vibrant. mostly it makes me feel as though i am in control, and held back by only the decisions i chose to make.
i remember a lot of specifics among the roads i've traveled. I remember my dad teaching me how to use a walkie talkie at seaside, i hold onto the feeling i felt as Matt drove up my driveway coming back from the airport, and i can still see the wide spread of mud on my back after falling down your hill. the phrase "it's the little things" is so relevant in my life. i love looking back at an event and thinking about things that put a smile on my face. im hoping a donut gets me somewhere...maybe a sweet little grin cutting across his cheeks. im not sure what else to say, how to part, or where to leave things. Im off again, just like that. leaving the adventures of new scenery behind.
i started with you, and ended with me. typical right? i would excuse myself, but i have decided being single allows for acting selfish. im just ready to focus on myslef and let this be a learning experience. i think we stand in a weird place for a few reasons, but mainly because we both know letting go is vital, but nearly impossible all the while. i think that in a few years we'll wind up on the same path, maybe sit down for coffee and laugh about our awkard teen sex life or something. who knows. I hope that does happen though, because i'd like to see where life takes you. i'd like to know if you still get infatuated with thoughts of the illuminati, or if your dream to keep that old 4runner for the rest of your life is still locked up tight in your heart. I will always appreciate you, cherish you, and love you. I know that the same is true on your end. if you're reading this, thank you. for being part of my past, a thought in the present, and a memory in the future.