rear defrost.

it was the thinnest moment in time, when my heart stopped. something so dense, compacted into a small locket in my heart. or was it my throat, for the words i didn't say had gotten trapped behind it? im still not sure, i only know it was a brief second packed full of nothing and everything.

this interlude of desperateness overtook every thought in my mind, every movement of pre planned action, and every star from the sky.

then you swept in, and put every star back into place. life was perfect.
when i woke up, the stars had gone again.
but things were still okay...you told me that when the day turns to night, all of those glittering pieces of hope would return.







if life never gets bad, people never hurt, and shoulders go out into the real world with no purpose. purple is always a gloomy color, and pink just wouldn't be fun.

im happy i get sad. im happy i hurt, and blend, and over take. im happy im alive, mostly.
being dead would take away all of the blood that rushes to my cheeks when you're around, and belive me, that would be no good.


when i lay in bed at night, like now, i start thinking of all the ways i could change my life at any given moment. it's scary, really. im at this new place in life. like, what is control, and why is it on my shoulders now?
saying the wrong thing nearly makes my heart stop. but none the less, i've said a million words. im strong, smart, and i know someday ill feed and dress the precious bodies of two or three little energy balls. im going to own, negotiate, manage, and succeed. precise, that is what i'll be.

the connection here makes nearly no sense. you've relayed that message to me, and now things are becoming a little more clear. the water sits, but it's not nearly as murky as it has been before.
"you don't need to do that."

thank you. thank you.
FRESH, like the night sky after a long day.
you've put me back in my place, one star at a twinkling time.