serenity.

im sick. sick to the point of waiting for days to get done with. bedtime is heaven, bringing me fake realities to get swallowed up in. i wonder if this is what you wished for me.


i shot nerf bullets at my window for a solid ten minutes today. it's gross, knowing that the happiest part of my day was hearing the little foam cylinders un-suction from my glass view. im aware that you weren't happy. but why didn't you give me a heads up, or do it at a different time?

you pushed me down when i was already on my knees..i know i have hit the bottom.
i also know that i always get back up.




i can't sleep, eat, read, watch tv, or even take a bubble bath. my mind won't let me focus on anything but the continual breaking of my heart. im surprised i even have the energy to stay awake, i started the day with a long run and haven't eaten a thing. it's almost as though my body wants me to feel this pain...it could be reminding me why going back to you was a stupid idea. it's persuading me to never do it again.

sometime mid march you told me, "if we get back together, i'll treat you like royalty. it's going to be like we're married, because we're both over playing games." is this your way of winning which ever game you lost last time? i don't get it. i can't comprehend why you wasted even more of my time than you already have.



if you "prefer the truth"... why did you lie for so long?