handfuls.

it's scary to me, looking directly at you. a face that i have known for so long, but a heart i have chosen not to dig into. i was selfish not to. i am sad to hear echoes of my past words, knowing i knew nothing more than what i saw, and wished to believe. i am sorry for that, i show remorse for not only you, but me also. because i have struggled so long without having a shoulder. little did i know, you could be mine. and i want to be yours.

a heart left unexplored, a heart with a matching beat to mine. i am sorry.

if fairytales were real, i would write my own and live it. i wouldn't want a castle, long blonde hair, or an animal to talk to. just an overdose of the simple, weekly things i have now.
i'd want p!nk and taylor swift music constantly in the background, i'd want my dad's funny "lines" every five minutes, and i'd want my feet rubbed every night before bed.
i'd throw you in there too, but i'd change a few things. i'd need you to sincerely love me, deep down, the way you used to.


i rocked a baby to sleep today, and it made me feel whole. i sang in the car, and it made me feel free. i thought about myself several times, and each time it made me feel unloved, doubted, and not worthy. i talked to you once. well no, i texted you once.
and for the first time in weeks, i felt determined, happy, and cared about.

i sure do wish fairytales held some truth, though. life would be great, especially if whoever was rubbing my feet used Victoria's Secret, "merry vanilla twilight". im not into perfectness, whatsoever. i love that my pinky's have a curve, that my heart is addictive, and that i get annoying, yet still ask millions of questions about things i'd like to know. im not looking for perfect, or anything close to it. im asking for you to look past what you see. listen to my questions, make me laugh, enjoy my company. and if you can't do that..then let me go so i can breathe.
let go so i can feel unbroken again.