your web.

i go through these completely random stages of thinking. like i almost want to confuse myself, and just make life a tad bit harder. im never sure what i want, i don't tend to set a goal and reach it, but rather run in one direction..only to find myself turning towards a new destination within minutes of setting off. im starting to realize this is how i am, and most likely not a stage. and maybe thats okay, to just except a new destination, a new way of thinking, and a new place, all at a moments notice. in some sense it's my way of feeling in control, to be able to navigate the simple things i can. pressing cancel on the toaster, mid-toast. wearing flip flops on a shitty weather day. writing a letter with no intention of sending it. and turning to you, once again, even though a million sacrifices on my part won't change a single thing.

i have decided to rely solely on myslef to feel content. and if that means giving up on unscrambling the ridiculously challenging puzzle i refer to as 'you'.. then maybe i will. once again, i have started running. im smart enough to know that this won't last long of course. when running is caused by symptoms of you, i usually turn around before i get the chance to break a sweat.
here i am again. running and ending up somewhere crazy. i guess i can deal with crazy, but only if dealing with crazy means dealing with you.

im going to dedicate this one to second hand calories, the way kasey keeps me sain, and 'fucking animals'. i might as well throw in innocence and whatever the opposite of innocence is.